Monthly Archives: December 2013

Our family is shotgunned up, down, and across the USA. Which is why we (Okay, I ) participate in the written form of Christmas Fruitcake, the Christmas Letter. Did I hear one of you say, “It takes a fruitcake to know a fruitcake”? Careful…you could end up in my next blog post. Where was I?

So, I sat down to write and came up blank. Where the !@#$% had the year gone? What the !@#$% had I done? My mind was a tabula rasa! I turned the job over to my fingers, which have little cooperative minds of their own and often rescued me in such instances.  Here’s what they came up with:

CHRISTMAS 2013  by Virginia Nygard

 I feel like Rip van Winkle. I went to sleep in January and woke up in December!

Isn’t science tackling this phenomenon yet? Come on, white coats! You’ve solved the human genome, quarks and black holes. You can trace the remains of a cave man down to his ancestor in England via matching DNA, clone a sheep, and grow strawberries as big as basketballs. Why the heck haven’t you solved why days really are shorter and time truly goes faster as one gets older?

And why aren’t we Golden Oldies out marching and storming these bastions of science? Okay, okay, aside from arthritis, fallen arches, strokes and bypasses, I mean.

 Why aren’t we demanding that Congress fund research into the matter? Okay, okay, I get that, too. They’re still working on ruining our country to defend their tenures in office. I get it. I get greed. I do.  But some of them are older than Methuselah, pardon the cliché, and the rest of them aren’t far behind me. Surely they realize that soon, they, too, are going to run out of time.

 Hey, you gazillionaires can’t take your money with you, you know! Give some to research a solution to slow time and enjoy all your ill-gotten gains. Donate bundles of cash to Big Pharma. If they think there’s profit in it, in mere weeks, they’ll pop out a pill to cure it. Snap!

Now that Big Corp. buddies have cornered all the dough in the pizza business, all the moo-la in dairy farming, all the clams in the seafood industry, all the cold cash in air conditioning, all the bread in the baking business, and all the lettuce and cabbage they could ever field… (I don’t apologize for puns)…why can’t they spend some of it on Time Research?

 Yes, I have been avoiding the Christmas issue. I had hoped to sidetrack you. But, while you may be as golden as I believe, you may not be so oldie after all! In brief, which is all my memory allows, here’s the traditional Christmas Catch-up: Mom broke her femur in a fall while visiting family in VA in February, but is doing fine after extended recuperation. Not to be outdone, in March, I came up with a multi-thousand-dollar dislocated a hip while planting a $5.00 flower in the garden. Awards have come our way this year for poetry and a novella (Ice Man in Paradise), and as certificates of accomplishment in the SL County Sheriff’s Department and the USCG Auxiliary. His and Hers conferences, kickin’ back in the Keys, a Bahamas cruise, and sippin’ our way through Florida wineries rounded out and mellowed our days. A lot.


Sometimes it pays to give the brain a rest. Not bad, fingers. Listen, I have an idea for a story about a guy who…